What is what to do when an avoidant pushes you away?

When an avoidant partner pushes you away, it can be a confusing and painful experience. Understanding their attachment style and responding with empathy and patience is crucial. Here's a breakdown of what to do:

• Understand Their Attachment Style: First and foremost, learn about avoidant attachment. Recognize that their behavior isn't necessarily about you; it's often a manifestation of their ingrained coping mechanisms. They may struggle with intimacy and vulnerability.

• Give Them Space: Avoidant individuals often need time and space to process their emotions and recharge. Pushing them for answers or trying to force intimacy will likely backfire. Respect their need for distance and avoid pursuing them excessively. This doesn't mean you accept disrespectful behavior, but it does mean understanding their patterns and working with them.

• Communicate Calmly and Clearly: When you do communicate, do so calmly and clearly, without accusatory language. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming them. For example, instead of saying "You always push me away," try "I feel hurt when I don't hear from you for a few days."

• Manage Your Own Expectations: It's vital to manage your own expectations. An avoidant partner may not be able to meet all of your emotional needs. Consider if you are willing to accept their limitations and whether the relationship aligns with your needs for connection.

• Focus on Yourself: Instead of focusing solely on the relationship, prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Engage in activities you enjoy, spend time with friends and family, and continue to build your own life. This will not only make you happier but can also make you a more attractive partner to someone who values independence.

• Set Boundaries: While understanding is important, it's also crucial to set boundaries. Define what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable to you in the relationship. Clearly communicate these boundaries and be prepared to enforce them.

• Practice Self-Soothing: When you feel rejected or distanced, practice self-soothing techniques. This could include meditation, exercise, spending time in nature, or talking to a trusted friend.

• Seek Professional Help: If the relationship is important to you, consider suggesting couple's therapy. A therapist can help both of you understand your attachment styles and develop healthier communication and coping mechanisms. Individual therapy for either or both of you can also be beneficial. This can help you both learn about emotional regulation.